


Comfort Intense

by TMar



Category: due South
Genre: M/M, Romance, Series: Comfort, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-30
Updated: 1999-04-30
Packaged: 2018-11-10 12:17:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Ray Kowalski discovers that Ray Vecchio's return is imminent, and can't handle it. He pushes Fraser into an even more intimate relationship, but this doesn't help him when Ray Vecchio does return. This story is a sequel toDealing in Comfort.





	Comfort Intense

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Comfort Intense

## Comfort Intense

by TMar

* * *

Rated NC-17 for m/m premise and sex. Another warning is in order: this story contains both Ray Vecchio and the New Guy, Ray Kowalski (and Fraser, of course). This story is a sequel to "Dealing in Comfort". You don't really need to have read that one to understand this, but it might clear up a few of the emotional issues in this story if you do read it. 

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. Alliance does. No, I won't make any profit from them. Hopefully Alliance does. No, you wouldn't get anything by suing me because the rand/dollar exchange rate gets more unfavourable by the day. 

**COMFORT INTENSE**

By T'Mar 

Ray Kowalski of the Chicago Police Department awoke with a start for the tenth day in a row. He didn't usually wake up like this, but for ten days there had been a new variable in his life that he was still learning to deal with. And while he was proud of himself for dealing with it so well, there were times when he realised he'd forgotten to tell his instincts that they had to deal with it, too. 

He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to this, waking up next to a man. He *liked* it, but it was still a little strange. He lay back and tried to relax as he felt Fraser's body spooned around him. 

The Mountie was warm. The Mountie was *always* warm. Even when it was cold outside and everyone was shivering, Fraser acted like he always did. Ray knew that to Fraser the weather probably wasn't the kind of cold he was used to and that was why it didn't bother him. 

He was getting off track, here. Every morning he'd wake up this way and think back to the events of the previous night, studying his reactions, remembering the lovemaking that had gone on. But last night, nothing had gone on. They had been too tired from the case they'd been working on to be much use to each other, so they had just fallen into bed and gone to sleep, glad that the next day was Saturday and neither had to work. 

Ray felt movement as Fraser woke. Then a kiss was planted on the back of his neck. "Good morning, Ray." 

"Yeah, morning, Fraser." He turned over so that he could look into his lover's face. "Whaddaya say we stay in bed all day? We'll order in and watch junk on TV and relax." 

Fraser was not used to watching TV. He wasn't used to being so... unproductive, but he was willing to give it a try. "All right, Ray." He leaned forward to give his friend a kiss. 

When those lips touched his, Ray forgot all his plans as his body became flooded with arousal. He opened his mouth, all the better to kiss Fraser properly, and rolled over so that he was on top of the Mountie. 

Fraser smiled.  
"What's the smile for?" Ray asked.  
"You really want to make love." It was a statement. "'Course I do," Ray replied. "Why, don't you?" 

"I do, Ray, I was just musing how different you are now from when we first... you know." 

"Yeah, well, I was scared to try something new. But I'm not anymore." 

"It's not new anymore," Fraser supplied. 

"Yeah, maybe that's part of it." Ray looked down into Fraser's face, knowing that there was one last thing they had not yet done, and the thought of doing *that* still scared him. But he wanted it, for Fraser if not for himself. "There's one thing that would be new to me..." 

"You're not ready," Fraser said immediately. 

Ray got a bit angry. "How do you know, huh, Fraser? How do you know what I'm ready for?" 

"You still flinch when I touch you there," Fraser said. "The touch isn't welcome, so I concluded that you're not ready." 

"Dammit, Fraser! I know you want it! We could try." 

"It's just another form of sexual expression. We never have to do it if you don't want to. I don't see why you insist." The blue eyes looking up into Ray's face were confused. 

"But you used to do it, right? With Vecchio?" "Sometimes, yes. That doesn't matter." 

Ray sighed. He knew there was no point in arguing with Fraser; it was like banging your head against a brick wall. The only advantage was that it felt so good when you stopped. 

Ray lowered his head and kissed Fraser again, beginning a sensual exploration with his hands. 

Fraser groaned and arched against him, turning his attention away from their little argument to something much more pleasant. His hands went up to caress Ray's back as he pulled him against him tightly, erections meeting between their bodies. "Do it, Ray," he whispered. 

"Like this? I..." Ray looked down at Fraser, then cut off his own protest by kissing his lover. He began to thrust sensually against that gorgeous body even as he continued to kiss that beautiful mouth. 

It didn't take particularly long. Fraser arched up to meet him, moving his hands down to his buttocks and fitting them together even more closely. It was all Ray needed, as he lifted his head and looked into those eyes before thrusting a final time and coming in between their bodies. He didn't have to time catch his breath before he found himself on his back, the Mountie on top of him as he sought and found his own completion. 

It was very hard to breathe with Fraser's full weight on top of him. "Fraser," Ray croaked, "could you..." 

"Sorry." His friend moved away to the side and lay looking up. Ray felt very... unfulfilled. They had both attained orgasm, but that was all. There was nothing of the feeling he usually had, that it has been a good experience for both of them. This had just been... getting off. Nothing more to it than that, and Ray didn't appreciate it, even though he knew it was his own fault. "I'm sorry, Fraser," he finally said. 

"I know, Ray." 

"Is this going to work?" He wasn't sure what 'this' was, exactly, but he wanted it to work. He cared about Fraser, and the sex was usually great. Love... love didn't enter into it. He didn't love Fraser, not that way, and he knew that Fraser didn't love him. He knew that the minute Ray Vecchio arrived back in town, Fraser would be back with him. He just hoped they could stay friends when that happened. 

"What's 'this', Ray?" 

"I don't know," Ray admitted. "Is what we're doing here enough?" "It is for me," Fraser whispered quietly. "It's more than I could have had without you." 

"Yeah," Ray conceded. "Wanna take a shower?" 

On Monday Ray was called into Lieutenant Welsh's office. "Thought you should be the first to know." The lieutenant paused, and Ray knew immediately what he was going to say. He just *knew*. 

"Vecchio's undercover job. It's over." He spoke before Welsh could say anything else. 

"Yeah. How did you know?" 

Ray shrugged. "Dunno." He knew what would happen: debriefing, a short stay in a hotel somewhere for a week or two, then Ray Vecchio would go back to work, and everyone would act as though he'd never left. And he, Stanley Raymond Kowalski, would be at a new precinct trying to live his own life once again. So why... why didn't he want Vecchio back? Why wasn't he glad that he could live his own life again, be called by his own name? "When?" 

"He's already out of danger. He's in a hotel room in another state. Two weeks." 

Welsh didn't need to say anything else. Two more weeks of being Ray Vecchio. Of hanging out with a Mountie. And then... all over. It would be all over. 

"Yeah," Ray said, trying to maintain some semblance of normality. "Okay." 

"I need to know which precinct you'd like to be assigned to," Welsh said next. "Part of the deal was you could have your pick when this was over. We need to expedite the paperwork, so if you could tell me by tomorrow I'll see that things go smoothly." 

"I don't need until tomorrow. I can tell you now." "Okay, which one?"  
"Whichever one is closest to this one." 

The lieutenant looked at him in alarm. "What, did you get attached?" 

"I guess maybe I did. Yeah."  
"You're serious."  
"Yeah." 

"All right, I'll have it done by the time Vecchio walks in here." 

"Okay."  
"And, Ray?"  
"Yeah?" 

"Thanks. Just remember: no one else finds out about this yet. Not even Big Red." 

Ray only nodded and went out, a feeling of panic gripping him. 

They were having dinner at a diner near Ray's apartment, but Ray wasn't eating much. He was too busy looking at Fraser, trying to imagine life without him. Thing was, he couldn't. The damn Mountie had managed to insinuate himself into his life too well. The thought of not being around him, not getting to witness his freaky behaviour, was painful. 

"Ray?" Fraser sounded like he'd called Ray's name more than once. 

"Huh? Sorry, Fraser. I was thinking." "Are you all right?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine, why wouldn't I be fine?" "Well, when you talk like that you're usually NOT fine." 

"Why do you gotta be so reasonable, Fraser? Can't you take my word for something?" 

Fraser looked hurt at that. "My mistake." He carried on eating as if nothing was wrong. 

Ray sighed. The Mountie was his *friend*. His lover, even. And soon... He didn't know if they'd still be friends when this was over. Two more weeks. How long would they have had together as lovers, in total? Twenty-six days. Not even a month. Ray admitted to himself that it had become more than just helping a friend. He had grown attached, dammit. Attached to the Mountie. He didn't *want* this to end. Oh G-d. 

"I'm sorry, Fraser, bad day. Shouldn't have taken it out on you." 

"Apology accepted."  
"Let's go home, okay?"  
"All right, Ray." 

The minute the door closed, Ray turned and pushed Fraser against it, kissing him. 

Fraser was surprised at this; usually it took a while before Ray overcame his ingrained reluctance and came on to him. But he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, either. He kissed Ray back, passionately, possessively, feeling the other man's arousal and wondering at it. When they finally broke for air, Fraser pushed his lover away a little. "What is it?" 

"I wanna do it, Fraser. I wanna do it right now. You do it to me, okay?" 

"Ray..."  
"NOW, Fraser!" He was desperate. 

"No." Fraser pushed him away, then steered him to sit on the couch. "I need to know *why*." 

Ray tried to get his breathing under control. "Because I need it. I need you. I have to have it." 

"Something did happen, didn't it?" 

"You know what happened? I realised it's more than just comforting a friend. We may not be crazy in love, but there's something there. Isn't there?" 

"I don't know, Ray. I don't think we should do this. It isn't right for you." 

"I don't care about that. I want it." As if to persuade Fraser of his desperation, Ray moved onto the floor in front of him and wrenched his pants open. 

"Ray, don't..." Fraser's protest was cut off when a warm mouth engulfed him. "Ray..." Fraser's second attempt at a protest faded as Ray began to suck. There was little finesse there, and certainly no attempt to make it last. Fraser was finally convinced that Ray wanted this, even as he felt orgasm approaching. He lifted his head from the back of the couch so that he could see what Ray did as he came, but Ray continued what he was doing. Fraser realised that Ray wasn't going to stop. "Ray, I'm..." Even as he said it, he felt the pleasure, and then he was coming, and Ray just swallowed and kept swallowing until it was all over. 

Fraser was shocked at the cop's actions. The man was as straight as a die, no question about it, despite what they had done here. Oh, they had done this for each other, but they'd never... tasted... each other, not that way. Fraser waited until he was coherent, then he spoke slowly. "That isn't safe, Ray." 

"Oh, come on, Fraser! I get tested because of my job. I'm sure you do, too. I mean you put all sorts of disgusting things in your mouth." 

"Yes, but..."  
"So what's the problem?"  
"Why?"  
"I wanted to." 

Fraser knew that wasn't an answer, but he could sense that he wasn't going to get one, not now. Maybe not ever. He sat there passively as Ray proceeded to remove all his clothes, as Ray took his own clothes off after that. Then Ray was sitting, naked, next to him. "Can't I just want to?" 

Fraser didn't say anything, he just put his arms around his lover and kissed him, tasting himself and wondering again at Ray's motives. Fraser himself liked tasting his lover that way, and Ray, the Ray he loved, had always made jokes about him having an oral personality... But he'd never done it for this Ray, the Ray who was his friend. That had been... too intimate. Too much like a betrayal. And making love with this Ray... so would that be. Ray Kowalski wasn't ready, would never be ready, and Fraser was afraid of making that connection. But even as he thought about this, he could see that Ray needed it somehow. So he would do it for him, even if he didn't know why. 

They had moved to the bed, and Fraser was kissing him, but all Ray wanted was that one thing, that final intimacy. "Please," he begged when the Mountie finally released his mouth. "Please do it." 

Fraser looked at him appraisingly. "All right, Ray. Do you have..." 

"Yeah. Medicine chest in the bathroom." Why the *hell* had he kept it there? Now Fraser would have to get up... he might change his mind... "I'll get it." He bounded out of the bed, grabbed the lubricant and was back in a flash. "Here." 

"Condoms, Ray?" 

"Don't have any." Even as he said it Ray realised how stupid that sounded. But it sounded better than, 'Don't wanna use any,' didn't it? 

Fraser was looking at him skeptically. Then he sighed. "I do." He made as if to get up, and Ray realised he'd have to tell the truth now. 

"No!"  
"Ray, why would you be careless on purpose?" 

"I thought we established that neither of us is gonna catch anything." 

"That's not the point," Fraser countered. 

"G-d, Fraser, get a clue! If we use one it's just sex. If we don't it's... I dunno... something more." 

Fraser finally got it. "We agreed on what this was." 

"Yeah, we did. I'm not gonna back out of our agreement, Fraser, I just want this. Please." 

Fraser didn't say anything to that, he just leaned over and kissed Ray again, even as he twisted the lid off the tube. "Turn over, Ray." 

Ray did as he was told, fear warring with this terrible need he had to make this connection with Fraser before it was too late. The need won. 

Hands caressed his back, and lips kissed all along his spine, moving downwards. Then there was a brief pause, and a hand was parting his buttocks. He waited for the touch, but when it came it was so gentle and light that it soothed him. Ray relaxed a fraction as one finger slipped slowly into his body. "That's good, Ray," Fraser's voice whispered. "Relax." Another finger slipped in, and Ray writhed against the bedclothes, trying to work out whether this was good, bad, or somewhere in the middle. It was good, he decided, when the fingers began to move, deliberately stretching him. He shuddered, clenching his hands in the bedcover, but he didn't say anything. A third finger slid into him, and Ray could stand it no more. 

"Now, Fraser, dammit!" He felt it as the fingers were removed, then waited as Fraser spread the gel on himself. 

"Lie on your side, Ray." Slippery hands coaxed him into position. "Stay relaxed." 

Ray wanted to shout that Fraser should just get on with it, but he managed to stay quiet and do as the Mountie said. Then there was a completely different pressure at his body's opening, and Ray fought to stay calm as Fraser slowly breached his body. It seemed to take forever, this strange feeling of being filled, and he had to fight down every instinct to expel the intruder. Finally, though, the feeling stopped as hands came around him, lingering on his chest. "All right?" asked Fraser. 

"Yeah." 

The Mountie kissed his neck and began to move slowly at first, too slowly in Ray's opinion. "More," he whispered, and his order was obeyed ever so slightly. It was as if Fraser was trying to hold back, and Ray didn't want that. He clenched his internal muscles, resulting in a groan from Fraser. "Harder," he finally said, and Fraser abandoned any attempt at controlling this and simply made love to him for all he was worth. 

Somewhere along the line Fraser's hand had grasped his recently-formed erection, and now there were two sensations warring with each other for dominance. Ray knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out for long against that, and it seemed that Fraser wasn't going to hold out much longer, either. His thrusts were becoming faster and harder, and Ray knew he was going to come. 

Fraser soon did, with a strangled groan as he emptied himself into his lover. Ray went into orgasm himself when he felt Fraser come, and his own coming prolonged the Mountie's. 

They were both still lying there in the same position after five minutes, and Ray finally managed to gather enough energy to speak. "Geez, Fraser, that was intense." 

"Are you all right?" was all his lover asked him. 

"Yeah, sure, no problem. I'm great. But could you... uh..." Even as he said it, he felt Fraser withdraw from his body. The physical feelings were accompanied by an odd sense of loss. Then those hands were turning him onto his back, and he was looking into a pair of concerned sky-blue eyes. 

"Tell me why, Ray." 

"I can't," he said, conceding. The Mountie was too smart not to realise that there was more here than he was telling. 

Fraser just bowed his head, accepting that he wasn't going to get an answer, not about this. 

They didn't say any more that night. 

Now that he had discovered that making love that way could be pleasurable, Ray didn't want to do anything else. He realised he was being unreasonable, but every time Fraser was inside him, every time Fraser came inside him, it reinforced his idea that it was making some sort of unbreakable connection between them. But he had never asked to reciprocate, although he desperately wanted to know what it was like. Something told him that Fraser wouldn't agree. Fraser wouldn't agree because this, ideally, involved love, and he knew that Benton Fraser loved Ray Vecchio with all his heart. 

Still, four nights later, Fraser turned to him after they had made love that way yet again and asked, "Ray, haven't you wanted to make love to me like this?" 

"Yeah, I have, I... I didn't think you'd agree." 

"I wouldn't normally," the Mountie conceded, "but I... I miss it. If you would like to, I would very much like you to make love to me that way." 

Ray smiled. That was Fraser all right, polite to the end. "Really?" 

"Really."  
"Okay. But not now. I'm kinda tired." 

"As am I," his lover agreed, cuddling up to him. "Let's get some sleep." 

The next day Ray spent almost the entire day being nervous. He wanted this desperately, but it was still daunting. He was just glad that Fraser didn't have any business at the precinct, because his concentration would *really* have been blown to hell had that been the case. And no way was he up to being on the street catching bad guys, so he decided to catch up on some paperwork, which shocked Lieutenant Welsh no end. He didn't even have the heart to correct Frannie's misinterpretations of police jargon. 

They met up at Ray's apartment. "So how was your day, Ray?" Fraser asked, as he usually did when they had not seen each other that day. 

"You wanna know? Okay, I'll tell ya. All I could think about the entire day was getting back here and making love to you. That's how my day was, Fraser. How was your day?" 

Fraser ran his tongue along his bottom lip, trying to think of a response to *that* revelation. "Ah... Constable Turnbull managed to lock himself in a closet, so Inspector Thatcher assigned Constable Cooper to guard duty, during which he was bitten by a dog and a child spilled soda all over him." 

"I really needed to hear that, Fraser." Ray sighed. "I asked about *your* day." 

Fraser blushed. "Actually, Ray, I have very little recollection of the day, as far as what I did goes. I was... distracted." 

Ray grinned. "By?" 

"I think I was looking forward to this. It's been..." He trailed off. It *had* been a long time, and he did want it, but it still felt uncomfortable. The only man who had ever been inside him was Ray Vecchio, and he felt guilty at looking forward to letting someone else do the same. 

"Long time, huh?"  
"Yes."  
"Worried about what the real Ray Vecchio would say?" 

"Not really. He'd be glad I found someone, that I wasn't alone." "Then what?"  
"Nothing, Ray," Fraser said, walking forward and kissing him. 

It didn't take long for them to divest each other of all their clothes, and then they were lying on the bed with Ray looking down into those clear blue eyes. "You got beautiful eyes, Fraser, you know that?" 

"Thank you, Ray." 

"Yeah." Ray smiled. "You really turn me on, you know?" He said it as though it was a huge accomplishment, and perhaps it was. Ray didn't think of himself as gay or bisexual, and Fraser certainly saw him as straight, he knew. This was just good between them, that was all. Or so Ray told himself. 

"I'm glad," Fraser replied. "Now, make love to me, Ray." He arched upwards, seeking a kiss, and got one. 

Ray had to break the kiss to find the required tube. "Do I do you first, or me? I mean with this." 

"Just you, Ray. I've done this before." "You sure?"  
"Yes." 

"Okay, if you say so." Ray squeezed gel out of the tube and anointed himself with it. "How's this?" 

Fraser had been watching in total fascination as Ray had slicked the gel on himself, and he swallowed hard. He had missed this, so much. Hadn't realised that he even needed it, not until now. 

"You wanna turn over, Fraser?"  
"No, I want to see your face." 

"Can it work like that?" They had never done it face to face, but then Ray couldn't have known that Fraser had been concerned about hurting him. 

"Of course it can, Ray. The experience is a little different, but still very good." 

"You better be right." He watched eagerly as his friend opened and spread his legs, offering himself. 

Ray moved so that his body and Fraser's interlocked as well as possible, then took hold of himself and began to press his entry. He could see Fraser was concentrating on relaxing, to make it easier for both of them. And it worked, as he slid inside slowly. He stopped, then, just looking into Fraser's eyes again. He wanted to cry out, to say that this was an indescribable sensation, but he had a hunch that Fraser knew that already. He withdrew slowly, then moved forward again with the same slowness. 

"Ray!" Fraser locked his heels behind his back and pulled him against his body, so that he was buried deep inside. And then it was too good and he had no choice but to make love to Fraser the way they both wanted. 

As the deadline got even closer, Fraser could sense that Ray was getting more and more uptight. He'd been uptight for quite a while, Fraser thought, and it was disconcerting. 

On the Sunday night before Ray Vecchio's return, Ray Kowalski wouldn't let Fraser go for even a minute. He was all over him, kissing and touching and making love. And it was hardly over before he wanted to start all over again. 

"Ray, I'm tired," Fraser said after he had given in and made love to Ray for the second time. 

"I'm not," Ray said, grinning, but Fraser saw a strange... hurt... in the eyes. 

"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?" 

"Ain't nothing going on, Fraser." Ray moved his hand downwards across Fraser's torso, but the Mountie grabbed his hand, stilling it. 

"You're lying. I want to know why." 

"Look, Fraser, tomorrow I'll tell you whatever you wanna know, okay? Just... make love with me tonight." 

Fraser sighed. This was like trying to reason with Diefenbaker. "All right, Ray. Let's just have a rest for a while first." 

"Yeah, okay." 

When Fraser woke the next morning, Ray wasn't there. Not that this was unusual, as he was sometimes called to the precinct early for one reason or another. Fraser hoped that today he'd get the answer as to why Ray had been behaving like a sex-starved teenager. But first he had to get to the Consulate. 

As he showered in order to get ready, he looked down at himself. His body was marked in a way it never had been before. Last night Ray had seemed desperate to make sure he left marks on every part of his anatomy. Fraser knew he'd left a few of his own, but not nearly as many as this. Luckily his uniform would cover them all. 

Inspector Thatcher greeted him when he came in. She looked... apprehensive. "Constable, they want you down at the precinct in an hour." 

"Do you know why, Sir?" 

In fact, Thatcher did know why, but she had promised not to tell her subordinate. "I'm not sure, Fraser. I suppose they want your help on a case." 

"And you just... agreed?" It wasn't like Thatcher at all, Fraser knew. 

"What's the point of arguing? They'll get your help now or later. Might as well get it over with, wouldn't you agree?" 

"Er... yes, Sir." Now Thatcher was behaving oddly. Fraser wondered if there was something going around. Whatever was afflicting Ray was catching. 

"Francesca, what did Lieutenant Welsh want to see me about?" Fraser asked when he walked in. 

Frannie, who had been looking in a file cabinet, slammed it closed, and turned around guiltily. "Benton! Uh... I don't know. Why don't you go ask." She grabbed his arm and steered him into the squadroom, giving him a little push forward. 

Fraser turned around, a frown on his face, and stared as Frannie beat a hasty retreat. It seemed that everyone in Chicago was becoming unhinged. 

Then he heard his name. "Benny." 

Fraser froze. There was only one person who'd ever called him that, only one person who'd ever *dared* call him that... He swallowed, hard, and turned around. 

There, in front of him, stood his friend, his lover, the man he loved. Ray Vecchio, back. Ray Vecchio, alive. Ray Vecchio, his green eyes looking at him with love. 

Fraser forgot everything except that Ray was here. He rushed forward and hugged Ray with all his might. "Ray!" 

Ray disentangled himself: they were, after all, in public. "Hey, Benny." There was humour and happiness in those eyes. 

Fraser realised that they couldn't do much else here, so he schooled his features into a more neutral expression. "How are you?" They were both aware of eyes on them. 

Ray just grinned. "I'm fine, Benny. How're you?" "Fine." 

Frannie, who'd just come in, rolled her eyes. "Geez, is that the best you guys can do?" 

Ray just laughed and dragged Fraser out of the squadroom. "We're goin' to lunch!" he yelled at the assembled cops. 

And strangely, the entire precinct broke out in applause. No one seemed concerned that it was only ten in the morning. 

Outside, Ray managed to tear his eyes away from Fraser long enough to ask, "Okay, where's my car?" 

"Oh, dear." Why hadn't Welsh said something? "Benny..." 

"You use this one for work now, Ray," Fraser said, steering his lover towards the car Ray Kowalski had used after the Riv had gone for a swim in Lake Michigan. 

"Where's the Riviera, Benny?"  
"I'll explain later." 

They drove in silence to Ray's house. Welsh *had* told Ray what had happened to the house, so he wasn't surprised to find a lot of things different inside. His family had all met him at the airport, and his mother was now out shopping for the huge meal she had planned in celebration of her son returning safely, so they had the house to themselves for a few hours. 

"Hope my room is still in one piece, Benny," Ray said as they walked up the stairs. 

"It was damaged, Ray, but I helped your mother pick out new furnishings." Fraser had forgotten everything except his joy at seeing Ray. Ray was here, with him, and that was all that mattered. 

Ray closed the door behind them and didn't even bother looking at the new decor, he just turned around and enveloped Fraser in a hug, pulling back after a minute and kissing him. 

Fraser devoured Ray's mouth as though he were starving, and maybe he had been. He pulled away just long enough to mumble, "G-d, Ray, I love you," before diving in again, tasting what he had missed all these months. 

Ray was undoing the buttons on his tunic, wanting to get at bare skin. When they broke apart, panting, Ray said, "I wanna see you, Benny. I missed you. G-d, but I missed you!" 

Fraser froze when Ray said he wanted to see him, and Ray caught it right away. "What's wrong, Benny?" 

Fraser's voice tightened and he couldn't speak, as tears came to his eyes. Would Ray still love him after he told him? And he *had* to tell him. He backed away and sat on the bed. 

Ray came and kneeled in front of him. "Benny?" 

Fraser swallowed. "I... I... betrayed you, Ray," he finally said. 

Ray only frowned. "How?" 

"I... with someone else... we... Oh, G-d. Don't look at me. You'll see..." He looked into Ray's eyes, expecting condemnation, but saw only understanding. 

"We did discuss it, Benny. I never expected you to be a monk ya know!" Ray was smiling, but the smile faded. "I didn't want to talk about this yet, Benny. I also had to... do things... when I was undercover. G-d, Benny, it was difficult." 

"Tell me, Ray." Fraser knew Ray needed to tell him, would have told him later had he not brought the subject up so soon. 

"There was this girl... daughter of a rival family, you know. The family I was with... well, the don had been humiliated by this girl's father, right? They wanted revenge. They knew how this guy doted on his daughter, so they asked me to... well, seduce her. They took pictures, Benny. Pictures they used to hurt her, and her father." 

"It was part of your job, Ray. But I..." 

Ray cut him off. "She was a *virgin*, Benny! You know how low I felt after that? G-ddammit, she *trusted* me! And I stole something from her that she can never get back!" 

"This is the nineties, Ray..." 

"Not for these people. They wouldn't even let me use a condom. They were hoping she'd get pregnant! Just one more twist of the knife, if that had happened. Thank God it didn't. And I had to stand there while they discussed which pictures to send to her old man. 'Vinnie, what's your opinion? You think this one? You can see pretty well that you're fucking her in this one...'" When he got to the end of the tirade Ray was shaking. "I don't think you did anything as low as that, did you?" 

Fraser closed his eyes as tears fell from them. "I love you, Ray." 

Ray got up and sat next to him, enveloping him in a hug. "And I love you, Benny. The only way I got through these months was by thinking about you. I don't care if you found someone to hold you while I wasn't here. I didn't want you to be lonely." 

"It was more than holding..."  
"It doesn't matter, Benny."  
"But I want to tell you..." 

Ray reached forward and this time began undoing the buttons on Fraser's tunic without interruption. "And you can tell me, Benny. But not now, okay? Now I just wanna make love to you." 

Fraser let Ray undress him, keeping his eyes closed because he didn't want to see the expression on Ray's face when he found the marks. Then all movement ceased and Fraser had to open his eyes. "Ray?" 

"You weren't kidding, were you?" Ray reached forward to touch the marks. 

"No, Ray."  
"These are recent." 

Fraser kept his mouth closed and swallowed, managing only to nod. 

"When, Benny?" 

"Last night." Fraser paused to breathe in, then continued in a rush. "I didn't know when you were coming back. I didn't expect this to happen, but he..." Fraser stopped, realising what should have been so obvious. Ray Kowalski had *known*. He had *known* his counterpart was coming back! That was why... Fraser was suddenly filled with a blinding rage, which he struggled to keep hidden from the man he loved. 

The silence dragged on, and then Ray asked, "Who was it, Benny?" "Ray Kowalski. He... He wanted to help me. He saw I was lonely. I was grateful. But he kept wanting more..." 

"I can't really blame him," mused Ray, not sounding angry, just... slightly accepting and a lot annoyed. 

Fraser looked into his lover's eyes. "Hit me or something, Ray, please. Don't just sit there." 

"I'm not gonna hit you, Benny."  
"Then what?" 

"I'm gonna make love to you until you can't even remember what Kowalski *looked* like." 

Fraser smiled, putting the rage away into a corner of himself. He would deal with that part of all this later. For now he busied himself undressing his lover. 

When all Ray's clothes were off and they were lying naked on the bed, he wasn't at all surprised to find Ray hard and ready for this; after all, they hadn't made love with each other for over six months. And part of him wondered how Ray could still want him after what he had done, but he wanted Ray, too. He wanted Ray to make love to him, wanted Ray to leave his mark on him, and inside him. He meant to warn Ray about his and Kowalski's utter foolishness, but then Ray touched him, and he was... distracted. 

"What do you want, Benny?" Ray asked, cradling Fraser's hardness in his hand. 

"Make love to me, Ray. Fuck me." He'd never said it in quite that way before, and he saw by the look in Ray's eyes that he was... a little startled. 

"Did *he* teach you to say that?"  
"No, Ray. It's... what I need."  
"You sure, Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray." He couldn't say that he needed all the memories and impressions of the other Ray burned out of him, but that was what he wanted. 

Ray fished around in the bedside table - his old one; it hadn't been damaged - and finally found what he was looking for. 

Fraser watched with trepidation as Ray coated himself slowly, too slowly, and finally approached him. "Turn around and sit up, Benny." 

"Sit up?"  
"Yeah. Hold onto the headboard." 

Fraser did as he was bidden, the thought of Ray making love to him this way highly erotic. He turned around, kneeling, and clutched the headboard with both hands. 

There was not much preamble at all; both men seemed to be aware of this need they had to cement their return to this relationship, seal it with this act. Still, even as Ray moved up behind him, nestling his erection just, just at the entrance to his lover's body, Ray still needed to hear the words. "Say it, Benny." 

"Make love to me, Ray."  
"Again." He moved against Benny but didn't enter just yet. 

Fraser was almost out of his mind with desperation, but he still had enough of his faculties to realise what Ray wanted to hear. "Fuck me," he ground out, wondering if he'd get used to saying that word. It was crude, but so very descriptive. 

At the words, Ray used his hand to guide himself, and then he moved forward slowly, entering as carefully as he could. 

Fraser didn't want careful, he wanted to be claimed. He wanted to be *reclaimed*, to have the smell and feel of another *gone* from him. He wanted to be purged. He moved back against Ray sharply, so that Ray was buried deep within. 

"G-d, Benny, what are you tryin' to do?" "Please, Ray." It was all he could manage. "You need it bad, Benny?"  
Fraser couldn't talk anymore; he just nodded. 

And so Ray gave in and thrust with more force than he usually did, knowing that at this rate he wouldn't last long. But that didn't matter, because they both needed to reclaim each other as quickly as possible. 

With each thrust Fraser was scooted just a little further forward, and he was glad that he *was* holding onto the headboard to brace himself, or he would have banged into it long ago. He pushed back against Ray, giving himself leverage, feeling Ray inside him, feeling the sensations more intensely that he had in a long, long time. And then Ray grabbed his hips painfully and yelled, "Benny!", and came, long and hard, inside him. 

Vindication. Sex. Love. Fraser smiled as he knelt there on the bed with Ray still inside him. Everything was going to be all right. 

Ray was attempting to withdraw, but Fraser clenched his inner muscles. "No. Stay with me." He took Ray's hand and guided it around to his own, still-needy, erection. "Touch me." 

Ray's hand curled around him in a touch both had almost forgotten. Only Ray knew *just* how to pleasure him this way. Fraser continued to face the headboard as Ray touched him, thrusting slightly into Ray's hand, spiralling towards ecstasy, and beyond. 

It was peaceful, and so... *right*... to be lying here with Ray in his bed, tangling themselves up together as they used to do, just being together. 

"I love you so much, Ray," Fraser said, a tear spilling from his eye onto Ray's chest. 

"I know, Benny. You know I feel the same. That didn't change, no matter what we did, am I right?" 

"Yes." 

Ray ran his fingers through Fraser's hair. "Everything's gonna be fine, Benny, you'll see." 

Fraser smiled. "I know, Ray." 

As if some cosmic force had sensed that now was the time, there was a loud knock on Ray's bedroom door and his mother walked in. "Raymondo, they told me at the precinct that... Oh." Mrs Vecchio took in the naked men *in* the bed and the pile of clothes beside it, and smiled. "Oh, I'm sorry, caro, Benton." 

Fraser didn't move. Mrs Vecchio had known all about them, and this was the third time she had managed to barge in when they were... well... He guessed it was just a Vecchio family trait - one of many, actually. Another Vecchio family trait was neglecting to lock doors. 

Ray sighed, not even bothering to take his fingers out of Benny's hair. "What is it, Ma?" 

"Your lieutenant told me that he'd given you the day off. I thought you'd come back to rest, because Benton usually works this shift." 

Fraser had to take his head off of Ray in order to talk. He sat up, making sure he kept them both under the sheet. "Inspector Thatcher gave me the day off." At least, he hoped that was what that bizarre message this morning had meant. 

"Well, that's good," Ray's mother said. "I'm cooking your favourite for tonight, Raymondo. We're having a big celebration dinner. I'm about to phone Ray. It's only right that he come, too. After all, he did a lot for you and for us in these last months." Mrs Vecchio differentiated between her real son and her pretend son by calling Ray Kowalski simply 'Ray'. She *always* called her real son 'Raymondo'. 

Fraser and Ray looked at each other. "Uh, Mrs Vecchio..." began Fraser, but Ray cut him off. 

"Sure, Ma, that'll be great. I really wanna meet him." 

"But what about that rule of no contact or being seen together for two months?" 

"Ah, that's just a precaution, Benny. And they meant as cops. I don't think dinner counts." 

"Good. I'll call him," his mother said. 

"No, I'll go and ask him," said Fraser. He didn't think Mrs Vecchio knew anything about himself and Stanley Raymond Kowalski. 

"Thank you, Benton." Ray's mother went out. 

Fraser looked at Ray, worried. "I need to speak to him," he said, as if to forestall any objections. "We need to..." He couldn't think of how to say it. They had things to sort out, and Fraser was determined to confront Ray Kowalski about his knowledge of Ray Vecchio's return. 

Ray knew what he meant. "I understand, Benny, really. It's fine. You go ahead." 

"Are you sure, Ray?"  
"Yeah, I'm sure. I trust you, Benny." It was all Fraser needed to hear. 

Ray Kowalski had gotten two cases on his first day at the new precinct. He had done the routine stuff, questioned witnesses, all pretty much by the book. But he felt that something was missing, and he knew exactly what that something was, too. It was a certain Mountie. He had been told not to be seen at his old precinct for at least two months, to safeguard Ray Vecchio's return. It was going to be the longest two months of his life, he knew. 

He was eating a TV dinner and watching sitcoms on TV when there was a knock at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, and he certainly didn't think that Fraser would be around now that Vecchio was back, so it was a shock when he found Fraser standing there in the doorway. "Hullo, Ray." He looked... happy on one hand, and angry on another. 

"Whatcha doing here, Fraser?" 

Fraser didn't answer him but merely walked past him into the apartment. "You knew," he said as Ray closed the door and turned to him. 

"Knew what?" 

"You know what!" Fraser said, speaking louder than he usually did. "You knew he was coming back, didn't you? That's why your behaviour was so strange. That's why you pressured me into... Oh, G-d. Why, Ray? Did you think it would make a difference? We both knew what this was when it started!" 

"I dunno, okay, Fraser? It's just... I've never had a friend like you before. When this started I thought, okay, this is just comforting you, being there for you. But then I realised I liked what we were doing. I *wanted* to fuck you, I wanted you to fuck me." 

"'Fuck', Ray?" Fraser asked, the word sounding horrible coming from that perfect visage. "You never once said that. Is that how you thought of it?" 

Ray sighed. "No. It's not." He flopped down on the couch. "I thought of it, especially when we... you know... I thought of it as making a connection, making us closer or something. I dunno." Ray laughed bitterly. "I'm not even gay, Fraser. I don't go both ways, either. But *you*... you did this to me." 

"*I* did?" 

"Oh, I know it wasn't on purpose. You can't help what you do to people, what you did to *me*. You made me better, Fraser. A better person. And I guess I wanted more of that, of *you*." 

Fraser hadn't moved from where he was standing, near the door. "You're my friend, Ray. That will never change." 

"I guess I was frightened it would, that's why I pushed you. When we made love, I felt like I mattered to you..." He laughed again, without humour. "G-d! Listen to me! I sound like some teenage girl!" 

"You do matter to me, Ray." Fraser's anger drained away when he saw that Ray was telling the truth. Ray wanted and *needed* his friendship. 

"Yeah... well..." There didn't seem to be any more to say. 

"Mrs Vecchio wants to know if you're coming to dinner. She wants to make it a celebration. And Ray wants to meet you." 

Ray looked up at Fraser. "You told him, didn't you?" "Yes."  
"I kinda figured you would. He's not gonna kill me, is he?" 

"No, Ray. We would have liked to have put it off, but his mother..." 

"I know." 

"I'd like to get my things," Fraser said. The subject had changed without any preamble or fuss. Fraser had basically moved in during the last month, since he'd been sleeping there every night anyway. 

"Sure." Ray felt more comfortable now, knowing that Fraser didn't intend to stop seeing him. Friendship had been enough, before. He'd only wanted to help Fraser out when he'd slept with him that first time. And then when he'd found out Vecchio was coming back it had seemed necessary to get some kind of... *hold*... on the Mountie. But Fraser had said he already had such a hold, and it was called friendship. Maybe that could be enough. 

Fraser emerged from the bedroom carrying what seemed to be an inordinate amount of clothes, which he began folding carefully before putting them into his laundry bag. Ray smiled. Typical Fraser behaviour. 

Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser stood in Ray's bedroom, 'discussing' what was about to happen. Anyone else would have thought it was an argument by the loudness of Ray's voice, but his family knew better. Ray was *always* loud when he felt strongly about something. 

"I still can't believe it, Benny. My mother invited him to dinner." 

"Are you angry because of that, or because I went to deliver the invitation in person?" 

Ray sighed. He'd felt fine about it this afternoon, but now he had a serious case of cold feet. 

"I dunno, Benny. I feel kinda weird about this. It's not just because you two were screwing around when I wasn't here, it's that he knows so much about me. About my family. My life. Ma said Angie even likes him! He just better not have overdone that alimony thing or I'll kill him." 

"We could still ask your mother..."  
"No. I can handle this." 

"I'm not sure I can." Fraser *never* admitted to things like that, and it shocked Ray. 

He went over and hugged Benny. "Benny, I can't say that the thought of you and him in bed together doesn't make me sick. It does. But what I did when I was undercover makes me even sicker. I have to forgive myself for that stuff, and if I can do that, I can forgive you. I know you don't hold what I did against me." 

"Well, that would be silly, Ray. You had a job to do." Ray reached up to stroke Fraser's cheek. "I love you, Benny." The proceeded to go down for dinner. 

Just as they reached the living room, a car drove up. Ray frowned, listening to it. "That isn't the Riv." 

"Ah, no, Ray." 

"I thought the new guy had it while he was pretending to be me?" "Well, he did, Ray, it's just that... Zoltan Motherwell's girlfriend was carrying on his work, and..." 

Ray Kowalski, walking up the stairs to the Vecchio home, heard a bellow just as he reached the door. 

"SHE BLEW UP MY CAR?!!" That had to be Vecchio. "I'm sorry, Ray." Fraser. 

Ray Kowalski rang the doorbell. He had kinda expected Mrs Vecchio to answer, but that was wishful thinking as the door was wrenched open and an angry Italian with green eyes accosted him. "YOU LET HER BLOW **UP MY CAR?!!"**

Fraser stuck his head around his lover and said, "I'm sorry about this, Ray." 

Ray Kowalski said, "That's okay, Fraser." 

Ray Vecchio said, "Shut up, Fraser!" He turned back to his counterpart. "You let her blow up my car?!" 

"Hey, now wait a minute, I didn't let her blow it up, exactly..." Ray Kowalski was backing away, down the stairs, as his counterpart advanced on him. 

"So if you didn't let her blow it up, why is it in Lake Michigan?" 

"Fraser...? Fraser, help me out here!" Ray Kowalski yelled as the Mountie just stood there looking nervous. "You said he wasn't gonna kill me!" 

"Not for *that*!" Ray Vecchio yelled. "For my CAR!!" He grabbed Ray Kowalski by the coat. 

"No, no, hey, she was stalking Fraser." 

"That isn't entirely true, Ray," Fraser put in front the doorway of the Vecchio home, and the two Rays turned and looked at him. 

"Thanks for the help, Fraser," said Ray Kowalski. "What do you mean by that, Benny?" asked Ray Vecchio. 

"RAYMONDO!" yelled Ray and Frannie's mother, rushing out of the house. 

Ray Vecchio let go of his counterpart. "My car, Ma. They blew up my car. Again." 

"I know, caro," his mother said.  
"Yeah, it's not like I did it on purpose," Ray Kowalski said. "Oh, yeah, cars blow up by accident all the time!" "RAY!" This time it was Fraser.  
"WHAT?" the two Rays yelled. 

At this they looked at Fraser, then at each other. The situation was just so... absurd. Ray Vecchio started laughing first, then the other Ray joined in. Mrs Vecchio simply took both of them by the hand and marched them inside. Fraser was smiling as they passed him. 

Dinner was delicious, as usual, and Fraser appreciated the two dishes Mrs Vecchio had made: her real son's favourite, and her pretend-son's favourite. Since Fraser liked everything Ray's mother cooked, he took some of each and pondered that he really should learn to cook Italian-style. Even if he wouldn't be able to eat the amount of food that cooking Italian-style seemed to produce, he could always give some to Tony. Tony was, of course, in food heaven, since his favourite dish and Ray Kowalski's favourite dish were one and the same. 

The two Rays were discussing the cases Ray Kowalski had worked on during his counterpart's undercover assignment. The rest of the family was strangely silent as they stared at the two who were talking faster than they'd ever heard either of them speak. Ray Kowalski was recounting a particularly humorous episode during his time as Ray Vecchio... "So Fraser managed to hypnotise the lot of us in Welsh's office, right, and he's talking to Thatcher and she starts giving him a hard time, so he says, 'Eggplant', and she turns sweet as can be and tells him he doesn't have to come to work right now." 

Ray Vecchio turned to Fraser. "You really did that, Benny?" Fraser smiled - an odd mixture of evil and shyness. "Yes." 

"You did it to me, too, didn't you?" Ray Kowalski asked. "I remember I was saying something and the next thing we were talking about something else..." 

Fraser had the grace to blush. "Post-hypnotic suggestions don't last very long, Ray." 

"What was the code word?"  
"Cauliflower, I think."  
Ray Vecchio laughed. "Would you have done that to me, Benny?" 

If anything, Fraser's face only got *redder*. "No, Ray." He knew that he would never have done that to the man he loved, and by the look on Ray's face he knew it, too. 

Ray Kowalski saw the look that the two men exchanged, and felt a pain way down inside. It must have shown on his face, because Mrs Vecchio got up and came over to him. "Ray, are you all right?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Ma. I mean, Mrs Vecchio." He didn't look up because he didn't want to see the reaction on the real Ray Vecchio's face. 

"Are you sick?"  
"No, I'm fine, really. But I think I should go." "You haven't had dessert yet," she coaxed. 

"Really, I'm full." It wasn't quite the truth, but Ray knew he had to get away. He suddenly felt very sick, and very guilty. 

Mrs Vecchio looked at her son worriedly. "Raymondo, you walk Ray out. Benton, you help me get dessert." 

Fraser was looking towards the two Rays, as if to go after them. "Benton!" Mrs Vecchio said again, deliberately preventing him from going after them. Fraser, still looking worried, followed her into the kitchen as the other occupants of the dining room finally broke out in their usual noisy banter. 

"What the hell was that in there?" Ray Vecchio demanded. 

"You don't wanna know."  
"Yeah, I think I do. Why didn't you wanna stay for dessert?" 

Ray Kowalski just looked at him for a long minute, then, "I felt bad, okay? When I saw how the two of you looked at each other. I felt like crap, if you must know. What the hell was I thinking?" 

"Inside?" 

"No, when I fucked Fraser!" It was out before Ray Kowalski could stop himself. 

"You had to bring that up, didn't you?" Ray Vecchio asked, angrily. "You just had to say it. 'Hey, I screwed your boyfriend when you went out of town. When you *abandoned* him.' So, was he any good?" Ray knew that he shouldn't be talking like this, but he couldn't help it. He'd said he didn't hold it against Benny, and he didn't. He'd said he didn't resent Kowalski taking over his life, and he didn't. But there were still emotions to be dealt with. 

"Why don't you just hit me, if it'll make you feel better?" Ray Kowalski asked. 

"I don't wanna hit you. I want for none of this to have happened. I want Benny to have never met you. I want not to have gone on this assignment. I want never to have set eyes on Gina Tornelli. But it ain't gonna happen, so we just gotta get past it." 

"I shouldn't have done it, I know," Ray Kowalski said, wondering who the hell Gina Tornelli was. "But he was lonely and I wanted to help him, and I could see he needed it, and I figured, what the hell..." He trailed off at the look in his counterpart's eyes. 

"Was it any good?" Ray Vecchio asked again. "You enjoy fucking Fraser, huh? Answer me!" 

Ray Kowalski couldn't resist a dare. "Yeah, I enjoyed it! I learnt a lot from that Mountie. Boy, does he got skills..." 

And then Ray Vecchio *did* hit him. 

Fraser stood at the window watching the confrontation. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he could guess. They were yelling at each other. Ray Kowalski looked angry and guilty, and Ray Vecchio looked ready to kill someone. Then the one Ray hit the other. Fraser braced himself to rush outside, but was stopped by a calm hand on his arm. "No, Benton, you stay out of this." Ray's mother drew him away from the window. 

Fraser looked down at her. "Mrs Vecchio, you don't understand..." 

"That's not true, caro. I understand perfectly. You and Ray, you were... together... while my Raymondo wasn't here." 

"How...?" 

Mrs Vecchio's eyes just regarded him with love. "I know you, Benton. You and my son have been together for a long time. I could see you missed him. I could see how Ray felt guilty about trying to take Raymondo's place in your life. But he wanted to be your friend, you see. He didn't want you to be lonely." 

"I should never have..." Fraser began, but she interrupted again. 

"Raymondo wouldn't have wanted you to be lonely either, Benton. You know this. He's just upset because of who it was. And I know he did things on this assignment that he didn't like. I can see it in his eyes." 

"That doesn't excuse my behaviour," Fraser said. "I betrayed Ray, Mrs Vecchio." 

"Maybe so, caro, maybe so. But ask yourself this: which one did you betray? My son Raymondo, who told you to find someone? Or Ray, who went out of his way to help you?" 

Fraser opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Mrs Vecchio turned and went back into the dining room. 

"I deserved that," Ray Kowalski said from his new vantage point on the ground looking up. 

Ray Vecchio looked shocked that he had actually hit the guy, but he couldn't bring himself to help him up. "I should never have left," he said. 

"Yeah, you're taking it out on me because you did that," Ray Kowalski said, getting up and brushing himself off. 

Ray Vecchio knew he was also trying to punish his counterpart for having been there for Fraser when he, Raymond Vecchio, should have been. It was all just a huge mess of emotion that was going to take a long time to work through. And Ray realised that he had never apologised to Benny for leaving. He knew Benny didn't hold it against him - Benny understood, better than anyone, why cops did what they did - but he knew that somewhere, surely Benny must have resented his leaving, or he never would have jumped into bed with Kowalski. "Yeah," Ray Vecchio finally managed, acknowledging what Ray Kowalski had said. He sighed. "Look. I know Benny likes you. I'm not gonna tell you to stay away from him or anything - that'd be stupid. But just give us some time, huh? Let us... I dunno, find each other again? Get back what we had." 

"Sure, yeah," agreed Ray Kowalski. "I'm right next door to you, uh, metaphorically speaking. I'm at the next precinct, but I wanna see if I can transfer in when the two months are up. You think you'll have a problem with that?" 

"I dunno," his counterpart said. "We need time." "Yeah. Okay." Ray Kowalski got in his car and drove off. 

Ray Vecchio stood on the sidewalk for a long time after that, just looking down the street and thinking. 

Fraser had not moved from the window when Ray came back in. He looked hurt and upset. 

"Benny?" 

"Why did you hit him, Ray? If you were going to hit anybody, it should have been me. I'm the one who betrayed you." 

"No, Benny, I betrayed the both of us by leaving. I realise that now. I should have said no when they called me, I just... I kept thinking of you and what a hero you are. I thought this was my chance to do some good." 

"But you did do good, Ray. You made eighteen arrests and you took down one of the largest crime families this side of New York. That's something to be proud of." 

Ray didn't ask how Fraser knew where he'd been, or what he'd done. The Mountie had methods the mob would have killed to learn. "At what price, huh, Benny? To me it means nothing if I lose you." 

"You'll never lose me," Fraser said, taking Ray in his arms. "I love you. I thought you understood that when we made love this morning." 

"Did you ever say that to *him*?"  
"What?"  
"That you loved him?" 

Fraser was offended by the question. "Of course not, Ray. We knew from the beginning what we were doing. Ray is... my friend. He wanted to help me. I missed you, Ray. And he was there, and he was lonely too. We helped each other." 

Ray snuggled even further into the Mountie's embrace. "He said he enjoyed... being with you," he ventured. 

"I'm sorry he said that," Fraser said. "That isn't good manners." 

"But I wanna know, Benny. Was it any good with him? Tell me." 

Fraser pushed away from him and went to stand at the window, looking out. He knew he had to answer before they could get past it. He contemplated lying, then rejected that idea. Ray would know. "It was... good," he finally said. "But it was only physical, and friendly. I never wondered what we would do in future, or even what we'd do the next day. There was only the moment, and the sating of the body." He couldn't bring himself to turn and look at Ray. "Can you understand that, Ray?" 

"Yeah." Pause. "You want me to tell you what I did, undercover?" A nod. "But not here. Let's go to your room." They walked up the stairs without a word. 

The talk was one of the longest and most intense they'd ever had. Fraser even confessed his idiocy (his word) at not using protection, and Ray told Fraser more details about poor virginal Gina Tornelli, and about the niece of the don whom he'd hooked up with a few weeks after the start of the operation. He'd hooked up with her in order to maintain his cover. "She was nice, y'know, the way Ange is 'nice'. The way most women are 'nice'. They're okay to be around, and it doesn't take much effort to get them into bed, but that's it. There's nothing else, because I'm gay. Like you." 

Fraser smiled slightly, nodding. "I remember when you couldn't even say the word, Ray." 

Ray smiled as well. "Yeah. Funny how everyone knew, though. Ange knew. She threw it in my face when we got divorced, said I'd been using her for cover. It wasn't true, Benny." 

"I know, Ray." 

"What about Kowalski? Is he gay?" Somewhere during the conversation they had agreed that they wouldn't avoid Ray Kowalski as a topic. He'd been part of Fraser's life - for that matter, he'd been *in* Ray's life \- and it was just silly to pretend he didn't exist. 

Ray's question made Fraser grin. "He's so heterosexual it's actually frightening." 

"Well, you'd turn anybody's head, Benny. You sure turned mine." Ray gave his lover a lascivious leer. 

"Thank you kindly, Ray," Fraser replied, giving his lover the 'big-eyed Mountie look'. 

That look made Ray weak at the knees. "G-d, you turn me on, Benny." 

Just hearing that aroused Fraser. "Ray, I want you. Make love to me. Make love to me until I can't remember my own name." 

"Y'know, Benny, with a name like 'Benton' that's probably not so difficult. But first you are going to make love to *me*, until neither of us even knows our name." 

"Ray... I think... I mean, maybe we should use..." Fraser trailed off, hoping Ray would finish the sentence for him. 

Ray didn't disappoint. "Protection, Benny?" "Yes."  
"A bit late for that, wouldn't you agree?" Fraser didn't answer, he just sat there looking ashamed. "I thought you said everything is okay, Benny?" "Well, it is if we can believe the blood tests, but..." 

"Benny." Ray began undoing the buttons of the blue and green flannel shirt that Fraser wore. "Every three months for all cops. Standard procedure. No problem." 

Fraser didn't look convinced.  
"You trust Kowalski, Benny?" Ray finally asked. "Yes, Ray."  
"And I trust you. End of story." 

"I love you, Ray." Fraser said, ending with a gasp as Ray finished undoing the buttons and pulled his undershirt up. 

Ray leaned forward and kissed him, plunging his tongue into Benny's mouth, tasting him, wanting nothing more than for Benny to possess him the way he had possessed Benny this morning. When the kiss ended they were both panting, and hard. "Race ya!" Ray said suddenly, standing up and beginning to divest himself of all his clothes, flinging them everywhere. 

Fraser, smiling and shaking his head, took his off as well, knowing that even though he had a head start, Ray would win. When Ray got excited he could do things three times as fast as he normally did. And he was right - he was still moving to take his boxer shorts off when Ray, naked, tackled him to the bed. 

Fraser looked up into Ray's face and laughed. "My hero!" He giggled \- his first true, *free* giggle since Ray had left Chicago. 

Ray just kissed him again, them scrambled off him and yanked the boxer shorts off. He bent down, then, and took Fraser in his mouth. 

Fraser had *not* been expecting that. "Ray!" Ray just looked up and grinned. "Just checking." "Checking what?" 

"Oh, I dunno. If you still taste the same, if you're ready, something like that." 

"And?" 

"Yeah, to both." He plastered his body along Benny's again and grabbed the tube from the drawer, passing it to his lover. 

"Make love to me, Benny." He turned, as if to face away, but Fraser stopped him. 

"No, Ray. I want to look into your eyes when we make love." 

Ray acquiesced and lay on his back, opening himself to his lover. "I waited months to have you inside me again," he said. "I need you so bad, Benny." 

Fraser finished lubricating himself and moved up, close against Ray, draping Ray's legs over his shoulders. It wasn't a position they normally used, but Fraser wanted to be here like this, with Ray completely open and vulnerable to him. He couldn't wait any longer; he guided himself partway into Ray's body and let gravity take care of the rest. Ray opened to him so easily that Fraser knew Ray had been waiting for this as he'd said, because his body certainly remembered. 

"Aah! Ray!" It was so good to be inside Ray again, so good to have that connection and feel the love flowing between them with each thrust. 

The green eyes simply *glowed* and the smile on Ray's face could have powered the entire Eastern Seaboard as with each thrust the smile just seemed to get wider, and happier. 

Fraser reached forward to touch Ray at the same time, and they moved together, their eyes locked, towards oneness. Ray's orgasm triggered Fraser's, Ray's seed spilling over Fraser's hand while Fraser's seed spilled into his body... 

Fraser came back to himself to discover that he was still lying half on top of Ray, although they were no longer joined. "Ray? Are you all right?" 

"Never better, Benny." A slight pause, then, "Wow! That was good! You tired me out." Ray didn't sound annoyed by this fact at all. 

All Fraser could think of to say was, "I love you, Ray." 

"Yeah, Benny, I love you. G-d, but I love you!" He wriggled around even as Fraser moved, trying to get comfortable. "This is how it should be, Benny. Every night." 

"Agreed."  
"So you'll move in here?"  
"Well, my apartment building did burn down, Ray." "Aha! So you have no choice!"  
"None at all."  
"Ma will be happy." 

"Goodnight, Ray. Go to sleep." He lifted his head to give Ray something of a sleepy kiss. 

"Goodnight, Benny. Goodnight, Dief. Goodnight, John-Boy." 

"Who's...?" began Fraser, also wanting to point out that Dief wasn't actually in the room. 

"Tell ya tomorrow. Go to sleep, Benny." Fraser went to sleep. 
    
    
                                     THE END
                           Copyright T'Mar, December 1997
                                All rights reserved.
    


End file.
